Enter the dream ...

Be real
be authentic
use proper grammar
punctuation
find your purpose
get outside more
do what you love
blah
blah
blah

in reconnecting ever so briefly with an old "friend with whom i haven't spoken to in months i was asked how i was doing.  in the few weeks of our message exchange i kept the conversation all about that person.  For this 'checking in on an old friend' wasn't about me... (or was it?)
When the signs are there - screaming at you from every angle - you can do one of two things:
ignore
or pay attention.
i'm of the mindset now where i pay attention.  especially if those signs haven't been around in quite some time.
being the kind of healer that i am, i figured this soul was in need of healing (again).  which is why i chose to approach the individual.
which i did.
and the exchange was for the purpose of which i supposed.
the exchanges have now faded softly into the night...  which is what happens often once the energy has done what it needs to do
or
when you recognize that the soul is not open to receiving.  
which in this case was the latter.  i could tell by the responses to my replies.  the unsolicited (or was it?) advise lovingly given out of the kindness of my every healing heart and soul...
so, i decided to end the exchanges with a summary of what my life has been in the last 5 years.
it goes like this:

i'll clue you in to what's been going on in my world since ... what? 2008? Cuz you asked.
i went thru a very dramatic divorce in 09/10. haven't spoken to or seen my now ex husband nor my step kids since then. moved twice, and since the last move got way more into life from a more metaphysical/spiritual viewpoint. became an ordained minister, and 3rd level Reiki practitioner. i've chosen to see things differently then most everyone else i've ever known. removed/let go of a lot of people... or lets just say i love them more from afar and have chosen to steer clear of drama. went into financial ruin and filed (by myself - no lawyer) for bankruptcy a year ago. living off the grid as much as society or i will allow. Earlier this year just after the holidays i was experiencing debilitating pain. me, who in almost 4 years with the same employer had never taken a sick day off work, was taking multiple days off because i couldn't get out of bed. limited or no mobility in the shoulders (left one is still kinds frozen), swelling in the knees, ankles & feet. i just plain hurt - bad. i seriously wanted off this earth so i didn't have to feel like that anymore. saw a dr and was given a diagnosis of Rheumatoid Arthritis.

yay...

so... in my never ending effort to rid myself of this bullshit i've done endless research on RA. for now, i'm taking a drug called methotrexate which is used for cancer patients. it's basically kills your immune system but i will admit it is helping. i take a handful of supplements every day, and now trying to go more vegan & gluten free with my "diet"... cutting processed foods, sugar, & alcohol (because another great side effect of the MTX is it also trashed your liver). i get tired pretty easy, and sore if i'm on my feet too long, or sit too long or walk too long. exercise has been a struggle but i'm trying to get back into that as well. I've taken advantage of my body and my life for far too long - and expected it to do whatever the f**k i wanted it to do - and it had finally had enough and said NO. I've now resorted to changing up the way i used to do things... letting go of a lot of things i used to do, and being OK with change in whatever form that may come...

it's still a work in progress...

and i still want to be done with this physical existence.. I'm so over it.


Until that day comes - and i want it to happen sooner than later i try as i might to appreciate what experiences i bring forth, have great conversation and pass on whatever knowledge i've gleaned...

When i was in this Intuitive Practioners Certification course last year my instructor she spoke of an Ascended Master named Quan Yin. She vowed to stay on this earth until to help absorb all the worlds suffering and pain. She comes into peoples lives, absorbs their suffering and pain. Once she leaves them their lives are for the better, it improves.

It feels like that for me all the live long day. It resonated so much with me i started crying right there in class...

It's like i finally get my purpose - although i will admit a find myself still in a lot of resistance to it. the ego 3D me still wants THINGS... and i am constantly reminded it ain't like that for me... it never has been and it never will be...

Probably wishing i stayed quiet, 'eh?

 Ergo the dream...