A healers path...

i'm in the same boat as you my friend... 

It's a challenge when you are surrounded by sooooo many people, spewing out their negativity.  the complaints, the "woe is me"  that person sucks, this person sucks.... on and on and on.  

then there are those whom you give counsel to in conversation and for every new path you suggest, it gets shot down.  You are given every excuse on the planet they can find as to why they CAN"T - or it's ignored completely!

I too know that there is a purpose to my being here - at this place with these people at this time.  I'm on the verge of feeling that it's almost time for me to vacate.  I'm sure part of the hold to stay here is the financial aspect - waiting to see when that something better comes along and then i can make my exit - because societal conditioning has taught us that we can't go out on that tightrope and walk that path of uncertainty without a safety net, right?  

but hey.  what about a 5 year plan?  or less than that if feasible.  work at cutting the expenses.  save more.  put more into your investment portfolio.  get a smaller house.  end consumerism. work on the need to have all these materialistic things.  keep the vacations cuz that's just so good for you, but think about all the shit you have that, you really don't need. you have all you need.  then after a nice nest egg has been created.  quit.  find you passion, your bliss.  maybe you already have that dream within, stirring around your being.  start sowing those seeds now so that when the time comes you can jump right on that dream boat!  

you mentioned wanting to win the lottery so you can quit your job and live comfortably for the rest of your days.  i know you also desire doing a lot of good when that jackpot is in your hot little hands.  I've had similar desires.  sure - win the lottery.  My dream that is forming is to have a healing clinic/farm.  get a huge chunk of land to grow food for free to those that want it.  have a facility with all natural holistic healers working in every aspect of a natural, holistic approach to healing that which ails us all. all encompassing.  

it's quite a vision.  I'm excited to manifest it.  and it will manifest itself.  of that i am sure.  i'm a healer.  it's what i do, it's my calling.  

some days it's sooooo frustrating though when those you feel are guided toward you for healing are closed off, or misconstrue what your presence in their life means.  makes me want to bitch slap them sometimes ...  

in the end,  you can quit your job.  today.  right now. you can.  you're choosing not to at this time - and that's OK.  your path will change.  things will move in a different direction and you'll be open to allow and receive whatever the universe gives you.  and it's all good. 

i went to see paul McCartney the other night.  GREAT show !  3 hours long with no intermission! anyway, it was 1am when i was driving home  (ugh! i'm usually in bed by like 9pm most nights! lol...) so i'm on the highway, and i'm thinking about... stuff. and i know that deer typically are active at night, i'm mindful of this realization.  they are doing construction on the highwawy (yay...) and so lanes are constantly being changed - closed, opened whatever.  i didn't know they had closed that shit down to 2 lanes, one to get on 23N, and one to continue 96W.  i'm slowing down and low and behold - a deer comes running across the fucking road and stops.  It's cement barrier to the left of me, orange barrels to the right, and deer in front of me.  How i was able to brake in time to not hit any of those things is beyond me.  (thank god there was no other traffic around).  as i'm slowly passing the deer and continuing on my journey home i'm thinking about that whole thing, and laughing!  I said thanks to the universe for the manifestation, for the experience, for not killing injuring anybody/anything, and just laughed about it.  i was thankful.  and quite pleased to see shit manifesting so quickly now !  that shit still kinda blows my mind a little.  but i love it.  it fucking rocks.  

so, in closing todays sermon, be thankful.  for this email, for the smile someone just exchanged with you.  for the green lights when driving.  for the car that gets you where you gotta go.  for the job. for the roof over your head, the people in your life that love you.  be mindful of the negative for that shit manifests too, yo...  

always in love & light... 

A new definition of Trigger happy...

those we are in relationship with 
(be it all kinds, friends, family work mates, acquaintances,significant others) 
bring up discords in us i believe for the soulful purpose of healing and transmuting.   
that which you are experiencing... 
whatever it may be, brings forth an emotion.  
whether it be good - happy, joy, love, elation, bliss peace content comfort  
or perhaps not so good, sad anger ill anxiety fear jealous, disappointment, rage
the discords the negative no feeling so good ones - those are the ones i'm talking about at this moment - they are being brought forth for healing.  
triggers.. 
for me?  abandonment.  practically from the moment of conception i was abandoned.  and that cycle continued on and on and on for my whole life. 
that one?  it's huge.  because like a security blanket, it's been with me all the live long day for many many decade (almost a half century)!  
hard to let that one go, 'eh?  
see, but NOW... i have awareness.  something - a toll gifted to me, that i hadn't ever had before.  so there it is, this wonderful gift that has given me vision - a way to SEE that i've never had before. 
i am grateful for this new energy.  it has allowed me the ability to finally transmute that once negative into a positive.  
all others will come and go in your life - friends family, animals relationships, jobs, houses   EVERYTHING goes.  
but not you - this soul of yours , the energy within, the love  the spirit
that shit is staying with you forever.  the long haul thru it all. 
all the live long day, darlin'. 
those triggers come up honey.  its up to you to choose to deal with them,
or not... 

Enter the dream ...

Be real
be authentic
use proper grammar
punctuation
find your purpose
get outside more
do what you love
blah
blah
blah

in reconnecting ever so briefly with an old "friend with whom i haven't spoken to in months i was asked how i was doing.  in the few weeks of our message exchange i kept the conversation all about that person.  For this 'checking in on an old friend' wasn't about me... (or was it?)
When the signs are there - screaming at you from every angle - you can do one of two things:
ignore
or pay attention.
i'm of the mindset now where i pay attention.  especially if those signs haven't been around in quite some time.
being the kind of healer that i am, i figured this soul was in need of healing (again).  which is why i chose to approach the individual.
which i did.
and the exchange was for the purpose of which i supposed.
the exchanges have now faded softly into the night...  which is what happens often once the energy has done what it needs to do
or
when you recognize that the soul is not open to receiving.  
which in this case was the latter.  i could tell by the responses to my replies.  the unsolicited (or was it?) advise lovingly given out of the kindness of my every healing heart and soul...
so, i decided to end the exchanges with a summary of what my life has been in the last 5 years.
it goes like this:

i'll clue you in to what's been going on in my world since ... what? 2008? Cuz you asked.
i went thru a very dramatic divorce in 09/10. haven't spoken to or seen my now ex husband nor my step kids since then. moved twice, and since the last move got way more into life from a more metaphysical/spiritual viewpoint. became an ordained minister, and 3rd level Reiki practitioner. i've chosen to see things differently then most everyone else i've ever known. removed/let go of a lot of people... or lets just say i love them more from afar and have chosen to steer clear of drama. went into financial ruin and filed (by myself - no lawyer) for bankruptcy a year ago. living off the grid as much as society or i will allow. Earlier this year just after the holidays i was experiencing debilitating pain. me, who in almost 4 years with the same employer had never taken a sick day off work, was taking multiple days off because i couldn't get out of bed. limited or no mobility in the shoulders (left one is still kinds frozen), swelling in the knees, ankles & feet. i just plain hurt - bad. i seriously wanted off this earth so i didn't have to feel like that anymore. saw a dr and was given a diagnosis of Rheumatoid Arthritis.

yay...

so... in my never ending effort to rid myself of this bullshit i've done endless research on RA. for now, i'm taking a drug called methotrexate which is used for cancer patients. it's basically kills your immune system but i will admit it is helping. i take a handful of supplements every day, and now trying to go more vegan & gluten free with my "diet"... cutting processed foods, sugar, & alcohol (because another great side effect of the MTX is it also trashed your liver). i get tired pretty easy, and sore if i'm on my feet too long, or sit too long or walk too long. exercise has been a struggle but i'm trying to get back into that as well. I've taken advantage of my body and my life for far too long - and expected it to do whatever the f**k i wanted it to do - and it had finally had enough and said NO. I've now resorted to changing up the way i used to do things... letting go of a lot of things i used to do, and being OK with change in whatever form that may come...

it's still a work in progress...

and i still want to be done with this physical existence.. I'm so over it.


Until that day comes - and i want it to happen sooner than later i try as i might to appreciate what experiences i bring forth, have great conversation and pass on whatever knowledge i've gleaned...

When i was in this Intuitive Practioners Certification course last year my instructor she spoke of an Ascended Master named Quan Yin. She vowed to stay on this earth until to help absorb all the worlds suffering and pain. She comes into peoples lives, absorbs their suffering and pain. Once she leaves them their lives are for the better, it improves.

It feels like that for me all the live long day. It resonated so much with me i started crying right there in class...

It's like i finally get my purpose - although i will admit a find myself still in a lot of resistance to it. the ego 3D me still wants THINGS... and i am constantly reminded it ain't like that for me... it never has been and it never will be...

Probably wishing i stayed quiet, 'eh?

 Ergo the dream...

Edit...

While chatting on the phone with a friend today i was asked why i didn't blog.  Why were my words of insight and wisdom and "suggested advice" not out there in the land of the blog for all to read,....

I answered that i don't take the time to do so.   I answered that it is a dream of mine, THE dream, to be free to write everyday... to garden, to do photography, do heal others (with said wisdom) and be so at one with myself that by doing those things, i WILL not only heal the world, i heal myself as well...

But...
and there it is.  that one little word that provokes the fear.  that one little word that brings about the laundry list of reason why we don't or CAN'T do that which we love to do... that which make our soul sing...

     I have to work so i can make that green paper.  so i can have a roof over my head.  the car, the food, the electricity...
     I have to make time for family...
     There's the BF who requires my time and energy as well
     I am not a good enough writer to do this thing professionally
     my grammar is substandard, my spelling... not enough eloquent words in my vocabulary
     my severe lack in self love &/or worth as being not good enough 

those are just a few of my excuses and I'm clinging to them.  

then I'm doing my daily routine of reading online.  It's an online article about Organic foods; What are they?   i come across this line:

     "In addition, the animals are given more space to move around and access to the outdoors, both of which help to keep the animals healthy. The more crowded the conditions, the more likely an animal is to get sick."  

    (  Source: HelpGuide.org   Article source: undergroundhealth  )

And then a thought comes to mind about kids in school.  You hear about or may have kids in school - and they get sick all the time.  It goes around the classroom from child to child.
Some schools even have to shut down because so become sick that it needs to "clean" the school of all the sickness in order for everyone to return...
Expand on that.
What about the building you may work in with perhaps hundreds of people.  One person gets sick, and then the person in the cubicle next to you get sick, and so on and so on...

Truly, isn't this same kind of thing?  the more crowded the conditions, the more likely they are to get sick.
to me, it's the same damn concept.    regardless if it's people, or the animals.

It is my feeling, in order for us to BE a healthier society we kinda gotta spread out more, man.  Get outside more.  open more windows!  let the fresh air & natural light in!

When i moved from a cubicle to an office (almost) 3 years ago, i stopped turning the artificial lights on above me, and open the blinds to the 4 windows behind me. Once in a while i turn on the artificial florescent light  in order to be able to perform the work i am to do, most days it's natural light flowing in - and i love it.

I could go on forever about a multitude of thoughts running through my brain.  I've scattered enough for today.   I've never really blogged, so it's new.  It's a work in progress.  I don't have a clue how to even tag or label ...yet!  hah!


Today, I broke through the veil of fear, a little...
Today, I AM good enough.  regardless...
Today, I think i will get outside and get more space...

Much gratitude and thanks to the article on organic food that whispered to my little baby soul "go and write".

5....

5...

Five years i've had this blog, and i've NEVER used it.

Forget the journey from there to HERE

it doesn't really matter, does it?

the fact that I'M STILL HERE has got to matter for something

back then, i didn't get it. i had no clue.

some days, i still don't

not all of it.

i KNEW back then, 5 years ago, that there was so much more to this existence

more then what was being presented to me at the time.

there were little whispers telling me to WAKE UP

and open your mind to WHAT IS

open your heart to LOVE

CHOOSE to SEE

and so, with much trial and tribulation i'm now opening up.

i'm now AWARE

i now SEE

i GET it.

i'm still a work in progress.

but i care

others may not

and i know there are those that DO care

making someone believe what i know to be true is not my job

all i can do is work on that progress within my own being

star beings??? what's that all about?

Oracles? why can i find next to nothing on oracles.

THOSE two things i DON'T get...

but i will.

i know in time....

i will.

because I AM